I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
