How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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