It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
