I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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