In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
