Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
