WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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