Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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