I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
