i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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