Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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