So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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