I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
