he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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