I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
