is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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