i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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