I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
