saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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