I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
