first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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