Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
