He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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