you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
