This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
