I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
