I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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