He is an equal opportunity slut.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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