just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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