Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
