sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
