I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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