he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
