1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
