I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
