I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
