So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
