guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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