biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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