I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
