you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
