too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize