I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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