i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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