Betty ford says i'm here all night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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