whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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