i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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