arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
