We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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