She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
